trourist

Last week we found ourselves in Barcelona attending a workshop for entrepreneurs. We had become familiar with the Centric Point Hostel last summer and, since we liked it, decided to give it another whirl. Perhaps when you’re not in travel mode, staying overnight at a hostel is not your best option. Following is a minute-by-minute account of a rather complicated night:

23:37 We enter our room. It has six beds. In one of them, a girl from Hong Kong is sound asleep. Mikel, Jokin and myself unpack our bags and get into our respective beds. It looks like it’s going to be a calm night, as it should be, given our meeting-filled agenda tomorrow.

23:45 I set the alarm for seven a.m. and shut off the phone. I’m exhausted and waste no time in closing my eyes and falling asleep.

23:52 Two new roommates enter. Though respectfully quiet, they still manage to wake me. I should have no problem resuming my blissful snooze, it’s just a matter of waiting for them to fall asleep and have silence pervade the room once more.

00:03 Our new mates fall asleep. But my prediction is off the mark. Far from silence reigning, double-barrel snoring commences unabated, with no end in sight. Were a noise-meter placed in the room, I believe it would register 140 decibels. I’m not kidding.

00:16 I don’t want to get teed off. I give my new mates the benefit of the doubt, believing that The Revenge of Thor will soon pass. I cover my ears with my fingers, though I doubt I’ll be able to hold this positiion very long. I try covering my head with the pillow, and though it does muffle the noise some, it’s still impossible to get any shut-eye.

00:29 This is now torture. Mikel and Jokin are equally desperate and awake like myself. We have no choice but to take action. We start making “nac, nac, nac” sounds, which supposedly quiet the most determined snorers. No matter how high we raise our “nac” volume, there’s no way of shutting these guys down and making them realize our problem.

00: 46 Suddenly, we hear angry fists banging on the wall that separates us from the adjoining room. We’re not alone in our fight, though the results are the same.

01:45 Nearly two hours have passed since this calvary began and these two incessasnt snoring machines continue working in overdrive. Despite our own-noise-making efforts, a nuclear alarm wouldn’t wake these two up.

02:06 Just what we needed. Finnish teenagers running through the halls, showing unequivocal signs of post-partying madnesss. Slamming doors. Screaming, Shouting. Welcome to Hostel Hell.

02:35 I’m desperate. PISSED OFF. Nervous. Feeling aggressive. At this rate, I’m not going catch a wink. And tomorrow promises to be a long, intense work day. The time to take drastic measures has arrived. My most impulsive side emerges. I grab my sack, wallet and mobile and head for reception to reserve a room for myself. Whatever it takes, whatever it costs.

02: 40 I start walking downstairs. When I hit the first landing, I see there’s a group of girls at the front desk. I check myself out in the mirror: I see my pajama, a sleeping bag wrapped around my head and my wallet and mobile in hand. I think. I take my time. I see this group has no intention of leaving. Despite my desperation level, I don’t want these girls to see me this way and think I’m crazy. I return to my room and abort the mission.

02: 57 My final strategy is to fall asleep to the sound of music. Jokin follows suit. Simon & Garfunkel’s Greatest Hits has worked for me in the past since I was a kid. I bet on the sure thing. As the songs advance, my anger dissipates and sleep takes over. Paradoxically, “The Sounds of Silence” is the last song i hear. What a classic.

07:00 My alarm goes off. I’m dying from sleep deprivation and, to worsen matters, my head is about to explode from listening to Simon & Garfunkel for four hours. It’s a new day. Cést la vie.

P.S. I want to go on record as saying: People who snore should have the decency and common courtesy to NOT share rooms. For the good of society. Amen.